This is one hell of a fucking rare occasion where i actually post. Generally, iapos;d be too fucking lazy to post on this blog, but today, i feel i ought to scream my guts out, rip my heart out, and break loose. Gawsh, life is fucking screwed.
now, why am i so unlucky? the first time i actually planned a birthday surprise for someone, it all totally goes wrong last minute. And worse, i planned it for a week, i even asked my boss the stupidest thing ever (can you close a little earlier?) just to make sure there werenapos;t any customers. I planned it all, so that it would go smoothly. I asked everyone to cooperate with the plan. All this was just a way for me to show that person how i truly felt, but NOOOOOO, it all went wrong. I smoked my POSB account just to get her present, and i just wanted a few minutes alone with her to tell her.
but no, itapos;s all too late.
now there she is, happily tgt with someone else, and well, i wish her all the best, but damn it, itapos;s so fucking unfair. I held my feelings for five fucking months, whenever my feelings for her go on a certain high, something bad (to me) happens WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? now i donapos;t even know what to do, i lost all my hope in practically everything. I even got a little scolding from david today at jaben, all because i wasnapos;t feeling too well, and maybe my mind drifted off a little. I donapos;t blame him, iapos;m at fault, but wtf, i just dont know. Damn it
somebody, just tell me, why am i so stupid? huh?
right now, i think i ought to just fuck care about anything, i just donapos;t feel like myself anymore. Itapos;s so fucking hard to think about life without.. Oh well. Forget about it, nobody cares, to begin with. (now here i am going all "EMO")
sigh..
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